there will be an answer, let it be

Oh, I am so out of it.
I guess things never really change, do they?
Senior year. Homecoming was a disappointment. spirit week was awesome though. you take what you can, right?
i'm working at CVS. it's quite nice. i get along with the people I work with, and everyone's nice. I think that's the most overlooked virtue: kindness.
I'm excited about my classes. the only challenging ones are AP English and Journalism 4.
Got accepted into Carbondale. not sure if I'm going there though. More interested in Knox.
Last summer was quite boring compared to Summer 2009. I guess it was "that summer." Summer '09, that is. Although really, I lived through it, so what is there to complain about?

Song of the Blog: "Let It Be" - Across the Universe soundtrack

Alone, On my Own

I'm wrong, i'm gone, TV's on, nothing's right, hit the lights, try again tomorrow.

I've no clue what to feel anymore. I just wish it was all different. The way it used to be. Whatshisface wasn't dating Miss Bitch, and Computer Geek didn't turn into Mr. Douchebag, and everything wasn't awkward. I hate that. Awkward. And everyone's turning into people I can't stand. and I seem to be the same. and yet i'm not. In a bad way. I don't know what to feel. I hate this. I hate being me. As usual.

Nothing really has changed.

drenched in vanilla twilight

Have you ever loved someone, then hated them (without really hating them), then noticed how they were gone for your life for like a week...and you didn't even realize it?

It's a peculiar thing, really. Love is, I mean. You give someone your world, and they become it. Then they cast it off because they change their mind. And you're left in a state of being that might as well be pronounced dead. Then, after several months, you finally are okay. Or getting there. Getting very close. And you start to not think about them all the time. or notice them. Or care what they think or say about you. Well, okay, a part of you always cares/wonders, at least every now and then. But eventually...your world has expanded so much beyond them that they're only a small part, so much smaller than it once was.

And one day they're gone. And you don't notice until someone points it out. And you think about how they once were your world, how you once loved them so much, so hard, cried so hard because of them....and now they're just another wave and smile in the hall. Did you see it coming, a year ago, two or three years ago, when you first met them?

Of course not. And now, it's all different. Do you patch things up? Do you finally talk about what happened several months ago? Is there a right or wrong answer to either of those questions?

I guess I'll always be wondering about old times. I don't want to lose him as a friend, since he was once, not too long ago, so much more. I don't know what to do.

I guess its times like these that teens really languish over, when the only advice we get is from CDs and old pictures and conversations long since passed. Maybe they hold the answers, and maybe they just hold you back.

Song of the Blog: "Home" - Daughtry

"Will You Remember Me?" - Sarah McLachlan

"Vanilla Twilight" - Owl City