I am so unhappy and I have no idea why, when I know that my life is nothing to scowl at. I had my heart broken, but who does that not happen to once in a while?
Sometimes I wish there was a surgery that could alter my ability to love, so that I never loved anyone as more than a friend, and so wouldn’t have to feel this pain. I don’t know if I love him, or if I love the way he made me feel.
I’m so sad and angry all the time, or I feel nothing at all. Rarely do I feel happiness. I think I know why. I went from being the happiest I could ever be, to miserable. March 2009 was probably the best month of my life, because I was with him. And then in April, it all started to change until he wasn’t there anymore. And I can’t help but think that if I’d spoken up, if I had asked him to give another go immediately afterward, he might’ve said yes.
But now I’m not myself, because I don’t have him. And instead, since I know he doesn’t love me like I love/d him, I can never be myself around him. It’s like, I’ll do anything for his attention, if he’ll just show that he cares.
But I know he doesn’t care nearly as much about me as I do about him.
Why am I miserable? Because I used to be in heaven, and then I was sent back to hell.
Song of the Blog: 'Not Myself' by John Mayer
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I'm sorry Cassie :(
ReplyDeleteCassie. Sadness is nature. Happiness comes next. I've learned that time and time again, and now I'm learning once more. Don't downgrade attitude, or you could end up being... Just another girl. But don't worry hun, I'll always know you're so much more than that.
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