close your eyes, you might finally look around

Hiya.

You know I"m unsure about a lot of things right now. What you do not know is that it does not revolve entirely around college and boys. Wow, in print, that really does paint me out to be shallow - the college and boys part.

Truth is, there's more to me than that. At least, I think so. I do like to think I'm different. I guess most people do.

Anyways, I've been thinking about a lot. There's this girl who used to be one of my best friends. She asked out a guy she knew I liked, plus did something else to a friend of mine that pissed that friend off to. Thing was, this was freshman year and she'd been changing so much since 8th grade, it was scary. And infuriating, because it wasn't a change for the better. As a result, after the blow up that ensued from her asking my would-be guy out, we all ditched her.

Recently, a couple friends of mine - one of whom is the friend of mine who was also betrayed - have become friends with her again. There are a million things I could say that have occured and thus uniquely shaped each relationship we all have with each other. Thing is, I'm not mad about what she did anymore. I've just been through way too much and changed so much myself that I've come to realize that it's all just water under the bridge.

Does that make me wise? No. Just older, more mature, more aware of how people are always changing. Sure, she changed for the worse. But now, my two friends have said that she has changed and grown, as we all have, and that she is not that person that we all walked out on.
Let me make a side note here: do not be a bitch to your friends, all the time. Every now and then is okay since we all get sick of each other or be bitchy for one reason or another, but treat your friends like dirt and you'll pay, in many different ways.

Okay, message time over. On with the narration.

I miss how things used to be so simple in the past. Middle school...those are the golden days. And my job at the daycamp has made me realize how wonderful those first twelve, thirteen years of your life are. Then you go to high school and it's very much 'welcome to the jungle.' It's easy to get lost. It's easy to change. It's easy to get confused and be led astray. It's easy - nay, unavoidable - to make mistakes. And we all change as a result of our actions, and the consequences they bring.

A - that's what we'll call her - fucked up. Big time. And she had to know that, because you don't go through an experience like losing all your friends and not take a serious look at yourself (eventually). I've fucked up. I've not lost all my best friends at once, I haven't done anything that bad, but I've definitely done and said things in the past that have made me change, and realize that I have to grow up eventually. I want to be a good person. I want to be remembered, when I die, for being someone that people loved to be around, someone that people are glad they met.

As a result, I've got to swallow my pride - I have too damn much of that stuff - and make amends. When school starts in a few weeks, it'll be my junior year of high school, but more importantly, it'll be the turning of the page into a new chapter. I want to take Kelsey Coker's advice, for last year's graduation issue of the Zephyr: I want to write it well.

Song of the Blog: "Open Up Your Eyes" - Daughtry